"your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality." ~Ralph Marston
Why is it so much easier to question myself than it is to be encouraged? I am finding that almost every time I push myself hard for a race or a long run I am constantly questioning myself. Lately the voices ask; “why have I decided to sign up for this 50K and more importantly why did I tell anyone I was going to do it?” and “It would be so much easier if I kept my big mouth shut to change my plans.” Maybe I just answered my own question, because now that I have put it out there I feel more responsibility to stick with it. I want to accomplish this goal but not put so much pressure on myself that I burn out or be miserable doing it. The last thing I want to do is dread the day I am attempting one of the biggest physical and mental achievements of my life.
One thing I have realized is that I enjoy running much more when I am running because I want to and not because I have to. The time between finishing the 1000 miles for WWP and the last few weeks getting ready for the half were enjoyable and rewarding because I was keeping up with and even increasing my weekly mileage without an obligation to do so. It seems that every time I put myself on a rigid schedule it immediately puts pressure on me and takes the fun out. If I cannot fix this situation it is going to be a LONG winter and spring. I want to work hard and enjoy running so I would like to make this work. I almost wish I had not committed myself to the big goal but that is what I have always done and this year is about breaking out of the safety zone.
When it comes to dealing with traffic, exhaust fumes and sidewalks (I really dislike sidewalks) I think more trails is the way to go. So for now, I will continue and work on all these things I have listed. Running on the roads and paved trails when I have to and hitting the trails every chance I get. I am staying on track for the April 50K but I will need to work hard as the days get shorter and colder!