You may want to skip to the last paragraph to get the title, but as usual, I write about what led me to it....so here goes...
Welcome to Tuba City Arizona. Just settling in with fam and dogs and getting going with running again. It’s been a long 8 week or so break from running due to health issues and a huge family move from Northeast Oklahoma (green country) to the high desert about 5,000ft or 1500m.
First thoughts running? “Wow, I am slow” followed by “wow, my heart rate is really high” followed by, “wow, I am really slow!”.
It’s been a little surreal...my new surroundings...my new world really. I led this expedition for my family, so I feel a huge responsibility for their adjustments (which fortunately kids and hubby are settling in well). I did not expect my own need for adaptation though. I just thought I would walk right in and set up camp and on I go like nothing really happened. The first couple weeks I felt a little lost. As week 3 comes to a close I am starting to get my bearings, but still feel unsettled at times. My running feels this way too. The word “discovery” seems to be my mantra lately..as I am discovering new sights and views, new emotions, new house, new running, new everything... no familiarity which is a little unnerving. Familiarity feels safe. I feel almost as exposed as the landscape.
I am amazed at the views of the desert, canyons, and Navajo and Hopi villages and Mesas. Flagstaff has the mountain running I love as well. It is foreign though, and my running feels so slow, which is a little frustrating. Even though I know it is normal, I feel like I shouldn’t be THAT slow. So, a mixed bag of excitement, surreal, frustration, unknowns and discovery. I feel much like a mixed bag! So, right now I’m just staying mostly in the right now...which is against my grain. Learning to be fine with all of the unknowns and navigating without trying to control the future or outcomes. This is bringing at the same time peace and uneasiness, even though “control” is an illusion, it is difficult to let go of that desire to achieve it or chase after it. I can tell I am learning, because of how I feel about my 2015 Cool Impossible.
This is the 5th year I will be chasing a “Cool Impossible”. I am delighted to say, this is the first year I have had no hesitation or anxiety in putting it out there. I am shooting high, waaaay over my head even. My CI is to get in to The North Face 50 mile endurance challenge championships in December 2015…. and place top 10 female. It excites me and is funny and awesome all in one. A year ago I would’ve thought, “I should really think of something that is more possible”, “What will people think if I put that out there?”, “They will laugh”, “There is no way I can achieve that”, “What will my coach think?”, “what if I don’t achieve it?”. Who cares! Really...who cares? So what if I don’t get top 10 or 20 or 40? What if I come in dead last? It is the going for it that matters. It is the fun of chasing after the impossible. Learning what the human spirit can achieve in the process and the experience is the real cool impossible.