By the many posts I've alredy put out there this morning on just about every subject, you can tell I've had my coffee! Well, post San Juan I am a little nervous about my cool impossible Leadville. San Juan was a training run...not a race..mentally I know this, but my time was a wee bit disappointing..ok A LOT disappointing. Not to mention the altitude sickness I experienced. I was hoping for a confidence boosting performance. I experienced some altitude sickness and hypothermia last year at leadville as well. I survived Leadville last year. I survived San Juan. I want to do more than "survive". I'm hopeful that what I experienced at San Juan, and just being at altitude for a good long while will toughen my body up and help me outsmart some of the problems I had. Contrast these thoughst with...

I love the challenge. It's like a game...figuring, problem solving, trying to outsmart the situation. I loved that aspect of San juan. The race with a disapponting time had a deeply satisfying result. It still got the best of me in many ways, but I did learn a ton, I loved every moment of that run, and you could not have begged or bribed me off the mountain before the 16 hour cut off.

I love this game of seeing how close I can get to my cool impossible. I love the process... I finally got it. It's not getting what I want (win or time goal), it's the process. I LOVE the process, the hard work, the figuring, the sudden changes of plan and adapting. Yes my result was disappointing to me, but I am stronger, better, smarter, and I will have a cool impossible at leadville...Will that mean the finish I want? I don't know...I'm gonna give it hell, but whatever happens, I have the deep down satisfaction that no time goal beat or race win will give me. Those are such temporary satisfactions. There will ALWAYS be someone faster, time records broken. I will always feel some disappointment when I dont GET what I want in that regard. But what's left is a deep satisfaction that time does not diminish. So on we go.