Blog Post

So my conversation with coach Eric began with me e-mailing him teasing about my "tapering" before Leadville.  Tapering is tough.  It's a week before my big race, we have cut my running waaaay down, and I am forced to delve more into the mental aspect of this race, not that my brain hasn't been going through it's own training over the past year, but my mind is getting honed right now. The rate at which I am processing the mental aspects of running Leadville is dizzying, frustrating, overwhelming and truely amazing at times. What has been a gradual process over the past year is suddenly in hyper-mode.  I'm trying to catch it all...and relax and let it just come at the same time.  Throw in my previous blog about what my tribe was planning and 2 days ago I was ready to flee to South America...on foot.  Trying to lead into a conversation and see where Eric would take me, I prompted him by telling him I was getting antsy and was going to go clean my car. It's always dangerous to tease Eric into a thoughtful conversation.  The result is usually my brain hurting. Of course he picked right up on it and after telling me to relax he aske me what specifics I was "vizualizing" about the race in my head.  I explained that when I tried to visualize the race there are "holes".  Areas where I suspect I will have a hard time, I couldn't visualize through those sections...or I would just quit and do something else.  Instead of saying, "that's ok Lori, it will come" or "don't worry about it" (I should know better by now!) he went straight into letting me know that "holes" are not good and offered some strategies to work through that.  I didn't want to "work through" that.  I could feel my anxiety ramp up a notch.  Then as usual he fired more questions, more questions that made me have to think and dig.  Up the anxiety another 22 and a half notches.  Trying to be the good athlete I tried to dig but came up with more anxiety. He recognized where I was and talked me down. He talked about letting the race come to me, reminding me to trust what I have done and learned, encouraging me to be anxious and excited and "give it a whirl" and "make it a game". "See how close you can get to what you want, WITH NO EXPECTATIONS.  Fullfillment comes from going for it, not in whether it actually happens or not".  Now that I was back off the ledge I was able to figure out what I wanted. I want to finish in less than 25 hours. I am confident now that I can "feel" my way through this and race my best race. I am good at staying within myself during long runs/races. I believe if I can stay within myself, run my best race (smart, patient, persistent) I will be happy no matter the outcome.  This conversation actually evolved over 2 days.  The next day I was fleeing the office for lunch after news of the events to come at work.  I sat down in a cafe by the little town creek.  I looked out the window and there was an otter.  He was swimming casually, basking in the sun, eating grass off the shore.  I was filled with peace watching this little otter who didn't care about races, pictures, running with marshal escorts....or the most frightening one of all...expectations. I emailed eric what I saw and told him I was just going to sit there and focus on little Mr. Otter.  I wanted to clear my mind and feel like that otter looked...relaxed, warm, happy, confident in what he was doing. Then eric suggested that the otter might be my race spirit animal.  Ha! At first I thought that seemed silly. Then I thought, "well I'm glad I didn't see a skunk".  Then I thought about what the otter embodies...patience and persistence.  I think I did find my race spirit.  I just hope I don't have buck teeth.